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Accepting & Understanding the Role of a Caregiver

You may feel helpless and experience grief when your loved one is diagnosed with a disability or developmental delay. Your ability to manage your emotional reactions and maintain a positive mindset will help in caring for them.

  Key Points

  • You may experience the grieving process of (1) denial and isolation, (2) anger, (3) bargaining, (4) depression and (5) acceptance.
  • It is important to acknowledge and address the emotions you are experiencing.

Upon receiving news of a loved one’s diagnosis, you may experience the following emotions1(not necessarily in a linear order, and not necessarily all stages):

Stage:

You may…

What you can do:

Denial and isolation
  1. Not want to face the reality of the diagnosis2.
  2. Prefer to isolate yourself.
  3. Not want to talk about this with others.
  1. Spend time with loved ones.
  2. Express your emotions openly.
  3. Examine your beliefs and fears rationally3.
  4. Practise specific skills with them such as how to participate in group interactions appropriately.

Anger
  1. Blame the diagnosis on others.
  2. Argue with doctors.
  3. Get angry at yourself, thinking you are unlucky or cursed.
  1. Give yourself time to work through your emotions.
  2. Find out more about your loved one’s condition from credible sources (e.g., health professionals or other experienced caregivers).
  3. Identify and reframe your unhelpful thoughts and attitudes, focusing on the steps ahead.

Bargaining
  1. Feel helpless.
  2. Think of “if only” scenarios or what you could have done differently.
  3. Appeal to doctors to remove or improve your loved one’s disability.
  1. Understand that this is a natural part of grief.
  2. Avoid making any important decisions impulsively.
  3. Try to be patient and work through your feelings.
  4. Share your feelings with your closest family and friends.

Depression
  1. Feel sad or hopeless because you are unable to change your loved one’s situation.
  1. Express your feelings.
  2. Recognise that it is normal to feel sad.
  3. Seek professional help if this adversely affects your daily life, especially over a long time.

Acceptance
  1. Accept the diagnosis and its implications.
  2. Be able to deal with it even though you still feel sad.
  1. Focus on how you can better support your loved one.
  2. Take care of your personal needs.
  3. Participate in self-care activities. 


If left unaddressed, these negative feelings could accumulate over time. Acknowledging and processing your feelings of grief would help in your acceptance of the diagnosis. Getting your family members to accept and understand the condition is important for securing ample support.

Actions to take

  • Remain connected with your family and loved ones as a source of support.
  • Join caregiver support groups to hear from other caregivers and share your experiences.

 Resources

Deep dive into the five stages of grief The stages of grief and what to expect Cope with your caregiver stress and guilt

Footnotes

1https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

2https://www.healthhub.sg/live-healthy/273/grief_management

3https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/denial/art-20047926

  Key Points

  • You may experience negative emotions, which may vary in severity and duration.
  • Seek professional help if your mental distress persists.

Understanding the severity and extent of your grief can help you seek necessary support. Grief can lead to depression. Some signs of depression to look out for include4:

  1. Feelings of sadness, emptiness, frustration, or worthlessness
  2. Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies
  3. Changes in sleeping patterns, including insomnia, or sleeping too much
  4. Changes in appetite and weight
  5. Frequent emergence of suicidal or self-harm thoughts
  6. Unexplained physical problems, such as headaches or back aches

If your mental distress persists, seek professional help immediately by visiting a doctor or a counsellor. For more information, refer to Self-Care for Caregivers.

Actions to take

Footnotes:

4https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770

  Key Points

  • Books, resources, and courses about caregiving are available.
  • Start your future care planning early.
  • Leave entitlements and flexi-work arrangements can help you manage your career, finances, and caregiving responsibilities better.
  • There are various financial aid schemes and subsidies you can tap on as a caregiver.

There are various ways for you to equip yourself as a caregiver, as summarised in the infographic below. 
Navigating caregiving with resources for caregivers in the categories: (1) Financial help e.g. Home Caregiving Grant, (2) Information and resources e.g. Enabling Guide, (3) Equipping yourself with knowledge and skills e.g. Caregiver Learning Roadmap, (4) Assistive technology e.g. Assistive Technology Fund, (5) Advice and emotional support e.g. through CaringSG
To increase your knowledge and caregiving skills, you can: 

  1. Attend courses

    Formal caregiving training is probably the most straightforward option. Subsidies are available for courses supported by the Caregivers Training Grant (CTG).

  2. Self-study

    Skills and knowledge can also be acquired from books, library resources and the Internet. Visit Enabling Guide’s Resources for a non-exhaustive compilation of useful materials such as brochures, infokits and articles.

Watch the video series "Caring Together" to see how two families lend support to each other as they care for their loved ones and how they benefit from continuous learning through their caregiving journeys.

It can be challenging to simultaneously manage your caregiving role and your career and finances. You can consider discussing flexible work arrangements with your supervisor, using your leave entitlements (including childcare and family care leave) and taking no-pay leave if you need more time to care for your loved one.

You may also be anxious about who will look after your loved one after you are no longer around. While there is no simple solution to this, consider future care planning early to give yourself more runway to make plans and take action. You can start with estate and financial planning by setting up a trust fund through the Special Needs Trust Company (SNTC) and writing a will.

Actions to take

  • Equip yourself with caregiving skills and knowledge through courses and available resources.
  • Better manage your caregiving commitments by exploring flexible work arrangements and using your leave entitlements.

 Resources


Understand the ABCs of caregiving

  Key Points

  • Having a support network can bring benefits such as providing comfort and being able to exchange caregiving tips.
  • You can receive support from both formal, and informal networks such as family members, friends, other caregivers.
  • You can refer to this list of caregiver support groups and join one based on your needs and preferences.
  1. Importance of having a support network

    Having a support network can be a source of strength during challenging and stressful caregiving situations5. Support can come from friends, neighbours, nuclear or extended family members, other caregivers or support groups. It would be ideal for you to join a support network that you are comfortable with – one that is built on good rapport, mutual acceptance and respect.

    Support networks can also be:

    • A source of comfort, where you can feel understood, empowered, and emotionally supported. They promote a greater sense of belonging and acceptance, which can help you through various challenges in the caregiving journey.
    • A platform to gain knowledge, exchange tips and coping strategies from other caregivers who have gone through similar challenges in their caregiving journey.

     

  2. Finding a suitable support network

    You can consider joining one of these support groups based on your needs and preferences, or discover support groups through the CaringSG Alliance Network. These groups allow you to connect with fellow caregivers and learn from their experiences. When deciding which support group to join, you can consider:

    • The profile of caregivers within the support group (e.g., caregivers of persons with physical disabilities or caregivers of persons with autism); and
    • The mode of engagement (e.g., online or physical meetups).

You can also form your own informal support groups with other caregivers and share resources and tips through physical gatherings, over the phone or online.

Actions to take

  • Taking part in caregiver-led initiatives may help to empower you in your caregiving journey.
  • Join CaringSG as a member and tap on the range of services available for caregivers.

 Resources


Join a support group through CaringSG Read more about the MINDS Care Circle Learn more about Rainbow Centre’s Caregivers Support Services

Footnotes:

5https://www.spd.org.sg/social-support-an-important-pillar-for-people-with-disabilities/

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